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Ham, Beans, & Rice Stuff

Ham, Beans & Rice Stuff, popularly known as Hoppin' John, was renamed Ham, Beans & Rice Stuff around 1986 by me and my brother-in-law Paul. Why? Because the name "Hoppin' John" sounds like the name of someone's pet kangaroo. Besides, Ham Beans & Rice Stuff is a more descriptive name. After all, the stuff is, well, Ham, Beans & Rice Stuff. Call a spade a spade. (In all honesty, our name for it used another "S" word instead of "Stuff" but this was changed to make the recipe title sound a bit more appealing).

Here's what you need:

2 Cups Diced Ham
2 Cans of Black-Eye Peas (but not Lucks, because they're too creamy)
1 Big or 2 Medium Onions
1 - 2 Tablespoons of Tabasco Sauce
1 Tsp Cayenne Pepper
1 Tablespoon Vegetable Oil
2-3 Cups Minute Rice (that's 2-3 cups before it's cooked)
Several sprigs of Fresh Parsley

Directions:

Make the rice. Set it aside. You'll need it later.

Prepare the parsley. Scrape the leaves off of the stems and chop them. Do enough that you end up with about 1/4 cup.

Add oil to pan/pot/wok, turn heat on medium. Dice the onions, and throw them in. Add the hot sauce. Stir-fry until onions turn clear. Add the diced ham. Stir up and cook 5-10 minutes, stirring often.

Dump in the beans—juice & all. Stir it up. Cover it. Cook on low long enough for you to go in the living room and drink one beer (if you really like to toss 'em down and if it's a hot day, drink two).

Hungry yet? If not, stir everything real good and then go kill another one. See you in about 10 minutes.

Mix the rice into the ham & beans sstuff from above. If you have a wok, you can do this in the wok. If not, you'll probably need to get out a large bowl or a bigger pot. Add the fresh parsley. If you only have dried parsley, add about a level tablespoon.

It's ready! Go sit down in front of a good movie on the tube and devour the stuff like Roseanne Barr after a three-day crash diet.